SPOILER ALERT!

Fifty Shades of Fucked up... Literally

Fifty Shades of Grey  - E.L. James Fifty Shades Darker  - E.L. James Fifty Shades Freed - E.L. James

I like to start off by saying that I read this trilogy my senior year of Highschool and loved it since it was all the hype at the time. Now as I am re-reading the trilogy I think it's repetitive and lacking. Reasons why I think this....

 

 

  • 1.) How can someone have sex that much? Like for real they get pissed at each other then he makes her hop on and they go at it or she freaks out and then "can't resist her bodies temptations". What the fuck? I wish I had the time and energy to have sex that much. After i get in a fight with my husband I'm like fuck this i'm going to bed and then we don't have sex for a couple of days. Don't get me wrong some people have more stamina than others but DAMN. It's really un-real how much these MC's get it on. Especially since the majority of the sexual relations start with them getting in the fight. 

 

2.) I was kinda pissed that Mia ended up wanting to be with Kate's brother Ethan since you know that's kinda like oh hey this is my brother/ boyfriend, if all of them ended up getting married. Like how do you explain that? Also, why did E.L James put Mia with Ethan when Jose was a better candidate? 

 

3.) Christian mother funking Grey. He sounded so dreamy and so sexy at the start when you didn't know his personality yet (seems like that's how it always is) and Ana was just doing an interview. BUT then he turned into a obsessive asshole. I know this story was about Dominant/Submissive BUT after he declared his love for her he was still a fucking asshole. He never changed his domineering ways. I am a woman who doesn't stand for that shit, partly because i like having control over certain situations, god bless my husband for sticking with me. I have an open-mind, if I was Ana I would've been okay with him dominating me and being the submissive since that's what it was at the start but when he made it clear he was in love i would've put my damn foot down and been like look bitch, you fucking tell me what to do and not do again and keep getting overly jealous of my friends im gone. Also, he kinda seems like that type of guy  that if you step over that line and really disobey him then he'd kill you because he loves you. 

 

4.) Anastasia Steele, the problem I had with her is that she was so insecure and that she pretty much just threw her cat a Christian whenever he wanted it she almost never said no to sex. In the book she was described as a pretty girl, even though her fashion sense was ugh, but she still was like oh i'm ugly Christians the only one I want. what the fuck ever man. Whatever. I hate girls like that.

 

 

5.) It's fucking weird that at the end of the book Ana said that her baby girl already liked sex since she was moving around in her stomach after yet another sex scene in the book. Its also fucking weird that Christian sucks the Popsicle off of his little boys fingers. ugh ugh ugh.

 

 

 

6.) Last rant. if this were reality, which its not, but still if it was... Give or take another three years of their marriage they will probably get a divorce and she will take half his shit because he refused to make her sign a prenup, which he would regret, and he would have to pay child support. After she pops out 19 or 20 babies like a Duggar because they have so much sex without a condom because he don't like them and shes a forgetful bitch and don't take her birth control, she wont want to be throwing her cat a him no more and it definitely  wont be dripping at the sight of him. She will have stretch marks from hell and bags under her eyes from all the stress and all that damn good wine she was drinking at the start will be a constant in her life. Also, sexy steamy Christian Grey will turn into dumpy looking Christian Grey surrounded by all those kids and beer cans. OR they can be like Brad and Angelina since they have all that money, which would probably be a better ending than the one E.L. James came up with. Ha! if 6.) was the whole books ending, instead of saying "That's all...for now" E.L. James could've wrote and the moral of this story is that rich bitches get what they want because they can afford nannies and not deal with their kids and take time away from their significant other topless in Barbados.